She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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