i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
