Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
