I think my vagina is haunted
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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