Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
