I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
