You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
