omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
