omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
