i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
