Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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