Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
