just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
