The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
