I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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