yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
