Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
