I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
