i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
