if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
