He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
