i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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