I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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