Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize