Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
