so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
