he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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