you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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