Your tits are I can't wait for
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
