i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
