come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
