I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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