operation have a gay friend backfired
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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