i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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