That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
