Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
