yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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