God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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