Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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