Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
