dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
