Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
