If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
