I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
