No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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