I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize