This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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