I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
