Cold hands, warm shart.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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