When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
