My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
