I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
