What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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