Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
