Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
