i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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