I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
