doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
