Where is the hickey?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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