so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize