Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
