I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
