Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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