my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
