i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize