Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
