I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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