I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
