i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
