I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
