How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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