I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
